Living Aloha

I recently ended a four month vacation and I'm not handling it well. I have spent time this week thinking back on my favorite vacations. I haven't thought about the scenery, the weather, or the people I've met but instead I'm trying to hone in on the feeling. I don't know how to describe it. I know when I've had it. I had it at the top of the Mount Healy Overlook in Denali, Alaska. I had it in a stretch of bamboo trees in Hawai'i. I had it in the middle of the Grand Canyon. I had it go-kart racing with a friend in Phoenix and whale watching with my family off the coast of Cape Cod. Whatever it is, I thought I needed to bottle it up so that I can draw on it when it feels like life is starting to beat me down.

Bamboo Trees in Hawai'i

I was going through some boxes looking for a book for my sister when I found a postcard that I was using as a bookmark. It was a Hawaiian license plate that said "LIVE ALOHA." All of a sudden, it clicked. I don't need to bottle up that vacation feeling, I just need to live it all the time. I need to "LIVE ALOHA." How do you even start to do that? Is this a real idea or is it just my own Eat, Pray, Love moment where I need to re-evaluate my life? I have had a job that I love. I know that I am good at it and that my work does make a difference in the lives of other people. I am proud of that, but somewhere along the way I lost myself in that job. My friend Adele and I once talked about how teaching is more than a job, it's a lifestyle. It has been my lifestyle for a decade. I have been this person who gives and gives and now I feel like I have nothing left to give. How do you begin to restore yourself? It is those wise words of the flight attendants ringing in my head, "Affix the mask on yourself before assisting others." I need a mask. I need something to change. 

My Wall Street friends will say that I'm being delusional and that I need to be real. I need a job with a retirement plan and health insurance. I need to buy a house and build some equity. I'm just not built like them. Those have never been the things I worry about. I worry about whether my life has a purpose. I was recently on a very bumpy flight from Phoenix to New York. It was so bumpy in fact that the two women next to me were holding hands and crying. There were gasps from the people in front and behind me. I felt insanely calm. It was out of my hands and if something were to happen, I didn't want my last moments to be fear. I wanted it to be peace. I thought about my life. I don't have any regrets. I have been a good daughter, sister and friend. I'm not perfect but my mistakes are my own. 

Enjoying my time in the Grand Canyon

Maybe traveling a lot automatically makes you more introspective, especially when you travel alone. You have a lot of time to think when you're lying in the hammock. I am at a point in my life now where my options are wide open. I can make decisions that will help me to "LIVE ALOHA." I don't want to be scared to make those decisions. Maybe my Aloha is in travel. Maybe I need to work and make enough money so I can travel and then work again and then travel again. Maybe that cycle is what I need now. Most of my friends are married and have started families. They talk about how life changes when you have children, priorities shift. If that isn't in the cards for me, I need to make that shift on my own. So, let it begin. Today is day one of Living Aloha.